How to Immediately Quit Your Boring Life (Using The Thumbtack Method)

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Don't read this if you haven't had your Tetanus shot.

Of all the weekdays, Tuesday feels the least remarkable. Monday stings. Wednesday is an achievement. Friday is freedom.

What are you Tuesday?!

Grow a metaphorical backbone and make me feel something, you coward.

On this particular Tuesday, I’m 12 years old, in school, and blissfully unaware of the future. There’s no Leukemia, no angst about house prices, no pretending I know how cryptocurrency works (is Bitcoin, like… a bit of a coin?).

My only worry was whether Kristy, the most popular girl in class, liked me (she didn’t) and whether Stuart, the naughty kid, would cause trouble (he would).

Stuart was the type of kid who brought dirty magazines to show and tell. He threw apples out the bus window at 60km/hour. He said, “Not here” when the teacher read his name at roll call. Yeah, a rotten egg.

So when our teacher stepped outside, Stuart was out of his seat and immediately looking for trouble. And he found it… in a box of thumbtacks. The class anxiously watched as Stuart slid open the box he’d found and rolled a single thumbtack between his fingers.

We all wondered if this was the moment we’d finally solve one of childhood’s most enigmatic formulas…

We few, we happy few, we band of brothers would find out.

Sharp things, meet fast object.

In an instant, Stuart hurled his arm upwards like a Black-Capped Squirrel Monkey tossing a fistful of shit at a zoo visitor. Every thumbtack sprang up. And, above that release point was a ceiling fan working overtime on a sticky, sweaty afternoon.

In an unavoidable impact, the fan’s blades crashed into the aerial assault of thumbtacks at high speed.

*Thunk* *Thunk* *Thunk*

Screams rang out around the room and little heads dove for cover. We’d just landed on the beaches of Normandy, and German mortars were raining down on our position.

The classroom was chaotic as thumbtacks nestled in bags, on walls and lodged in desks. Nowhere felt safe from Stuart’s literal rain of terror.

🌧️😱🌧️😱🌧️😱

Then, something strange happened…

The screams became laughter.

Infectious, outrageous, enthusiastic laughter.

A health hazard? Maybe. A lawsuit waiting to happen? Absolutely.

But Stuart’s assault on our safety had brought an unexpected sense of excitement, and there’s a lesson hidden in this story that can be a catalyst for finding excitement in your day-to-day.

I throw thumbtacks in the fan every week (and you should, too)

Not literally, obviously.

I’m not cutting back on Netflix and avocado toast to buy thumbtacks and hurl them into office buildings.

Sidenote: I don’t pay for Netflix because I steal someone else’s account - follow me for more finance hacks.

I’m not saying you should start throwing literal thumbtacks in a fan. And I’m not advocating you start hanging around schools or children.

But it’s never too late to find excitement if it’s missing from your life - and Stuart’s unhinged foray into juvenile delinquency is your blueprint.

How to quit your boring life with the ‘Thumbtack Method’

You will need three things to quit a boring life and replace it with excitement:

• Stuart

• Thumbtacks

• Ceiling Fan

Your Stuart is the person (or people) who bring excitement to your life. This could be a friend, partner, hot date, cousin Larry - whatever. Identify the people in your life who make you feel excited and alive. Make time to experience the world alongside your chosen Stuart, and magic happens.

Your Thumbtacks are the things that challenge you. These could be new activities, a new job, new travel experiences, or even new mindsets and ways of thinking. When you introduce challenges to your life and consistently overcome them, boredom ceases to be a possible outcome.

Finally, you need your Ceiling Fan. This is what turns a spark of excitement into a life of excitement. It’s the ongoing application of your Thumbtacks. If you enjoyed one Spanish lesson, keep going and become fluent. If you loved a kickboxing class, attend more until you can roundhouse kick your enemies into an early grave.

Waiting for excitement to enter your life means waiting forever. Remember, you are in control of bringing excitement to your life.

So go out there, find a Stuart, grab a handful of Thumbtacks, and throw them in the fucking Ceiling Fan.

With love,

New World Porter

P.S. If you enjoyed this post, leave a like or comment with the button below (takes 0.46 seconds) so I can think terribly filthy thoughts about you.