It Took Me 10,957 Days To Learn a Universal Truth...There's NO ONE Coming To Save You From Yourself

WARNING: Contains smooth jazz and good advice.

Image from Unsplash then made with monkey hands on Canva

What are you doing with your life?

That sounds like I’m hitting on you (I am), but it’s an important question.

Putting the ol’ girl in neutral and letting her coast is a surefire way to roll your car into a traffic light—it’s also the easiest way to let life’s juiciest fruit fall from the tree and rot before you enjoy it.

I want to see you with delicious fruit all over your face (oh God, I AM hitting on you), so let’s throw on some smooth jazz and talk about life.

If you’ve ever wanted to change your life but said to yourself, “This isn’t the right time,” read on.

My childhood dreams were crushed early

Have you ever heard a teacher say, “You can be ANYTHING when you grow up”?

That’s a lie.

If they’re willing to lie about that, can we run with scissors and pee our pants in class? The mind boggles. The underpants moisten (eww).

With the words of well-meaning childhood educators ringing in my ears, I worked hard, did my homework, and ate my vegetables, believing that anything was possible… but that wasn’t true.

Did I achieve my childhood dream of becoming a dinosaur?

No.

I wasn’t even close. I was 365 million years too late and no amount of broccoli would change that.

School wasn’t all bad, though.

I did star in the 6th-grade nativity play as Joseph (that’s Jesus’ stepdad for any of you Philistines) to great acclaim. I didn’t drop the plastic baby Jesus and I enunciated every one of my lines like a young Morgan Freeman.

In the words of a local theatre reviewer (i.e. my Mother),

“You're lucky we had a spare tea towel to use as your headscarf.”

In hindsight, that’s more of a compliment for the costume designer (which was her!) and less about the performance. Wrapping a tea towel around a child’s head to play a Bible character feels like something that can get you cancelled in 2024. Still, I brought a gravitas to the role that won’t soon be forgotten.

Naturally, as I got older, my ambitions changed.

During my teenage years, I wanted to be David Beckham. That didn’t work out either. It turns out David Beckham already existed, so my plan to grow up and BE David Beckham was a complete violation of time and space.

I didn’t have the time, patience or IQ to manipulate the fabric of reality and become David Beckham after he was born. Also, I wasn’t very good at football and Posh Spice wouldn’t reply to my letters. So that was another dream dashed.

I wouldn’t be mad if the unauthorized use of this picture gets me sued because then I might finally meet Posh Spice.

From there, I got leukemia, and my life took a detour, not so much up Shit Creek but over 500-foot high Shit Waterfall (into Lake Shit).

But every cloud has a silver lining, right? Cancer was the catalyst to make something of my second chance at life, RIGHT?

…

Nope.

Although I was beyond thankful for every breath, I slipped into a dull routine, and from there, life was a blur of cold nights and late beers (possibly the other way around). Before I knew it, I’d been a bartender for nine years.

And look, there’s nothing wrong with being a bartender. A good bartender can listen to your problems or ply you with so much vodka you’ll forget your problems (and possibly your name and where you live).

I look back on my nearly decade behind the bar with mixed feelings because, deep down, I knew it wasn’t a ‘forever’ plan. Unless I managed to slip in the cellar and claim disability payouts for life (a man can dream), I knew there’d be something else after bartending.

The problem wasn’t that I didn’t know what that something would be. The modern worker is estimated to go through 5 to 7 careers. There’s nothing wrong with not knowing what comes next. That doesn’t make you a failure in life - that is life.

The problem was that I didn’t feel any urgency about figuring out what might come next in ANY area of my life. My skills stalled, and my passions remained vague concepts in my head instead of driving forces behind behavioural change.

Year after year, I took a passive role in my own life and assumed something would come along to drive change. It was never the right time for me, but I figured it would be for someone else.

The right partner. The right job. The right opportunity.

It took me until my 30th birthday (10,957 days) to finally get serious about the direction of my own life. All those years and all that time wasted before I realized that no one was coming to save me.

That’s the fork in the road you’re standing at right now. If you want to change something about your life - job, mindset, underpants, whatever - no one is coming to save you from yourself.

Are you choosing change or waiting for change to happen?

I’m done talking about myself. You already know too much. You could probably open a bank account in my name and commit some light identity theft (my Mother’s maiden name is Kentwell and my childhood pet’s name was STOP TRYING TO STEAL MONEY FROM ME).

Let’s talk about you.

Specifically, let’s talk about the things you’re not doing.

So many people want to change something—I guarantee you’re the same—but they put it off while desperately trying to validate their excuses. Whether the underlying emotion is fear, anxiety, or that deep desire to avoid judgment, the easiest and most dangerous expression you’ll utter is, “It’s not the right time.”

A close second is, “The seafood only expired yesterday; it should be fine”.

Now look, I’m not suggesting you act on every impulse the moment it hurtles through your monkey brain. There will always be certain moments that are better suited than others.

But the right time is the time you make it right.

You create the right time by deciding how much you want something and what you’re willing to sacrifice to achieve it.

So, what do you want to do that you’re putting off?

Because there will never be a right time to plan your dream trip, go back to school, or start a business. Life is like an evil Disney stepmother - uncaring and cold. Life doesn’t care if you have bills to pay, are in perfect health, or if you’re “ready”.

The mistake too many of us make is to assume someone will come along and create the perfect conditions for change. That’s like waiting on an island, hoping to be saved, when salvation requires you to throw yourself in and swim alone.

There is no cavalry coming to save you.

If you want to achieve cool things and do cool shit, it’s up to you.

How to make NOW the right time 👇

I’ve filled you with theory like a chicken stuffed inside a duck stuffed inside a turkey.

Let’s finish with some hardcore action (I’m sorry, I’m trying to ease off on the aggressive expressions).

Changing your life doesn’t start by setting your alarm for 4am, taking cold showers, or walking on hot coals (though they might warm up your feeties after that cold shower).

If you’re looking to make a change in your life, I’ve got two options for you.

1). Switch your mindset to think about the consequences of inaction

Doing nothing isn’t actually doing nothing (I DEMAND MY PULITZER).

Choosing inaction is known as the Null Hypothesis, a vision of your future without change. Helpfully, recognizing the consequences of doing nothing can be a HUGE incentive to do, ya know, something.

Let’s say you’re starting to hate your job but the time isn’t right to move into a field you love.

Did you know that 6 in 10 employees feel emotionally detached at work? Also, unhappiness has been shown to increase the risk of poor sleep, harmful behaviours and unhealthy coping mechanisms.

You’re not doing nothing by staying in the same place. When you think about the consequences of inaction in this example, you can end up in a much worse place if you wait for someone to save you.

Whatever you’re on the fence about, consider what your life would look like if nothing changed.

2). Reframe your approach to start asking “Why is now the right time"?”

Did you know that monkeys are more cognitively flexible than you?

Your brain is hardwired to resist change. You probably go to the same coffee shop while your neighbour (a 1.7-kilogram Capuchin monkey wearing a business suit) swings to a new coffee shop every week. 🐒 ☕

The point is, there’s nothing wrong with you if you sometimes feel like a passenger in your own life. It happens to all of us because of our stupid brains. But you can start to push back against your hardwired behaviours by asking, “Why is now the right time?”.

You might find that it isn’t the best moment to start a business selling tiny business suits for small Capuchin monkeys - and that’s OK!

The goal isn’t to say “Yes” to everything like a poor imitation of the 2008 film Yes Man, starring Jim Carrey and Zooey Deschanel.

The goal is to critically examine your current situation without your default cognitive biases and identify whether this is a suitable time to take a different approach. This slight mental shift can be the catalyst for starting to live your life by design, not by default.

Remember, the right time isn’t something that happens. It’s an action you take.

So, what will you do with that brilliant life of yours?

With love,

New World Porter

P.S. If you enjoyed this post, leave a like or comment with the button below (takes 0.46 seconds) so I can think terribly filthy thoughts about you.

Image forged in the heart of the wild Borneo jungle (that’s the name of a cafe down the road).