My 3-Minute Life Advice Was Rated "1 Out of 5" By Some Random Weirdo On The Internet

Read this to feel 10x more confident about who you are.

Aug 06, 2024

I don’t Google well.

Frustratingly, there’s another Aussie named Alexander Porter… who is an OLYMPIAN.

I can’t compete with that. 😟

I did play Olympics in the backyard with my brothers, but the International Olympic Committee (IOC) doesn’t recognise ‘Milkcrate Throwing’ or ‘One-Handed Tennis Ball Catching’ (it’s all politics, I don’t want to get into it).

Visibility on Google is out of the question because the other Alexander Porter has beaten me there (his greatest achievement… outside of the Olympics).

Luckily, I’m not looking to be the most visible Alexander Porter online. That’s not one of my “things”.

What I am interested in is being creative. The more creative the trail I leave, the more enjoyable the journey.

In this quick read (3 mins… less if you’re a naughty skimmer), you’re invited to:

Walk one of my creative trails (no stretching required)
Get refreshed on your “thing” (I know you’ve got a bunch of ‘em)
Leave with renewed confidence about who you are (because who you are is awesome)

This image does not contain Alexander Porter, it contains Alexander Porter.

I’m not what you’d call a smart man

In the days when a home phone was the only connection to the outside world, my mum called with a simple request.

She was on her way back from work and asked:

“Can you put an egg in boiling water, please?”.

I said yep. I said sure. I said no bloody worries. The pot went onto the stove, the heat went on, and I cracked an egg into boiling water before tossing the shell in the bin and walking off.

She didn’t want that. She wanted a boiled egg. Instead, she got an idiot son.

My point is that NASA isn’t calling me when there’s work to be done on the next rocket to Mars (unless the caterer is sick and they want boiling runny egg water for lunch).

Without academia (or culinary gifts) to fall back on, I stay creative.

One of my “things” is to start a project online and let it cook (like a freshly cracked egg in water). Some of these projects get visibility, while others are never discovered.

The sneaky truth is that I don’t care either way; the fulfilment comes from the doing, not the feedback.

Introducing: 1/5 - Would Visit Again

★☆☆☆☆

This is a collection of satirical 1-star travel reviews that grew out of reading scathing (and entirely NON-satirical) reviews of famous landmarks.

As a world traveller myself (I’ve had diarrhea in 10+ countries #humbelbrag), a little turbulence is expected. But these tourists, travellers and reviewers were complaining about things that were:

a). Obvious

b). Nothing the destination had control over

Too much wind on a clifftop lookout. Too many French people in France. That type of thing.

So, I started doing the same.

I’d choose a place I’d personally visited, then leave a terrible review—knowing the destination was so famous it wouldn’t affect foot traffic—and finish with a positive “would visit again.”

Here are some of my reviews.

👇👇👇

📍 SYDNEY OPERA HOUSE (SYDNEY, AUSTRALIA)

📍 CHURCHILL’S WAR ROOMS MUSEUM (LONDON, U.K)

📍LENIN’S MAUSOLEUM (ST. PETERSBURG, RUSSIA)

📍 STATUE OF LIBERTY (N.Y, USA)

📍 BATU CAVES (KUALA LUMPUR, MALAYSIA)

📍DIAMOND HEAD VOLCANO (HAWAII, USA)

📍 WASHINGTON MONUMENT (WASHINGTON D.C., USA)

📍 KO PHA-NGAN FULL MOON PARTY (THAILAND)

TODAY’S LESSON: Don’t be embarrassed about your “thing”

My “thing” is silly reviews.

I have others, but that’s proudly one of them.

You’ve got “things” too, except you don’t acknowledge and embrace them equally. Maybe you’re worried about what people will say, you feel like a fraud, or you’re paralysed by the fear of judgment. I get it—no one likes to be vulnerable. But life’s price of admission is judgment.

You will be scrutinised no matter what, so lean into who you are.

If you’re going to be watched no matter what you do, wouldn’t you rather put on a show of your choosing?

You want 10,000 followers on Instagram? Cool.
You want to dye your hair blonde and live out your Ken fantasy? Go for it.
You want to leave weird 1-star reviews on Google that might never be seen by anyone? NO. That’s my thing. Get your own.

So what’s your “thing”?

At some point, you’ll be lying in your last-ever bed. That’s morbid as shit, but that’s kinda the point.

If you’re lucky, you won’t be aware of it. If you’re unlucky — like I was — you’ll be in a hospital bed praying to get better and get back to doing the “things” that mean everything to you.

These might be bursts of creativity, like my ridiculous travel reviews. More likely, you’re holding back on some major aspirations that might involve your career, body, lifestyle, relationship — the list goes on.

Whether you have a chance to reflect on your accomplishments or it’s up to your loved ones to reflect, there is a finite amount of time to live your authentic life.

You can let that fact scare you… or you can use it to set yourself free.

I’m not trying to outrank Alexander Porter, the Olympian, on Google. One of his “things” is riding bikes really fast and not being afraid to show the outline of his penis in spandex.

Alexander Porter, the Olympian, doesn’t dive into his creative side because it fills him with joy and meaning. That’s one of my “things”.

So, what “things” are you not pursuing? What would you do if no one was looking? And what would your life look like if someone had your name and left you with the freedom to be and do whatever you want?

Don’t answer those questions for me.

Answer them for yourself.

I promise that the “thing” you’re afraid to lean into has the potential to be the one that means the most.

With love,

New World Porter

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