The Terrible Song I Picked for My Funeral Can Help You Become a Black Belt at Decision-Making

SPOILER ALERT: I didn't die (but the song still sucks)

I’m not dead.

I should clarify that.

I’m not partying with Elvis and JFK in the afterlife. I can barely spell Ouija Board (let alone use one). And I didn’t end up using the horrendous song I picked for my funeral.

However, the experience did teach me a valuable lesson about decision-making, and my Spidey Senses tell me it can also help you make better choices.

DISCLAIMER: I don’t promise you’ll become a decision-making savant by the end of this read because I’m not from the Tony Robbins school of hyperbole.

But… if you want to make choices with conscious intent (and maybe even avoid picking a train wreck song for your own funeral), here’s how.

No one told me I was going to die

As a cancer patient, you just learn to read the room. And let me tell you, that room was screaming louder than a sleep-deprived toddler in a supermarket aisle.

It was like walking into the kitchen after Mum and Dad had been arguing. There’s a waft of bad vibes that can’t be explained away by overcooked meatloaf, but you don’t have to have been in the room to know something bad was going on.

As a 20-year-old with Leukemia, I hadn’t collected many* (*or, like, any) life experiences. I’d never had a car or driven a girlfriend (possibly the inverse). But I could sure as shit sense this was a tipping point.

Either my experimental 7-month dose of chemotherapy would work, and I’d be released into the wild like a rehabilitated eagle with health anxiety and a nurse fetish. Or, I’d hit the ground with a sickening thud like a dove released at a wedding that died en route to the ceremony.

So, I did what any cancer patient facing his own mortality would do — I picked a funeral song. And it SUCKED.

Chances are you’re not thinking about your own funeral, so here are a couple of things you can learn from my foray into funeral music to improve your decision-making.

Lesson #1 - Look at the big picture, not individual scenes

I picked my funeral song because it had a line about “Leaving a light on when I’m gone”.

At the time, that line felt poignant. Looking back, that choice was foolish and poorly thought out because it wasn’t a song or even a genre I liked. I’d ignored the bigger picture because I was so focused on that one small lyric.

Whatever you’re weighing up, decision-making never happens in a vacuum.

What you do today will have repercussions tomorrow, the next day, or six months from now. Even the smallest decisions can have an impact at some point. That’s probably the plot of The Butterfly Effect, released in 2004, starring Ashton Kutcher.

Or, maybe it has nothing to do with the film. I haven’t seen it.

This is Ashton Kutcher in The Butterfly Effect but also me trying to finish every email at the last minute to send it out each Tuesday.

Here’s a more practical (and, dare I say, useful) example. Let’s say you start going to the gym five nights a week. You’ve got a fancy new towel, waterproof headphones, and a sense of crippling body dysmorphia.

Your new gym routine could mean:

• You feel 1000% better about your body

• You have more energy to do stuff that makes you happy

• You put on muscle and develop a secret love affair with tight singlets

Those are great outcomes. It’s fair to say your life has gotten better, right?

But since decision-making never happens in a vacuum, there could be negative outcomes too. Your new gym routine could mean:

• You’re forced to stop eating your favourite foods to maintain your body

• You start spending more money on gym gear and protein powder

• You have less time to spend with your friends and family

Hmm. Those aren’t necessarily great outcomes. You only have so much time and energy. When you add to one area of your life, you are forced to subtract from another.

Before you lock in a decision, acknowledge the potential long-term consequences.

You can’t always predict the future with certainty. However, acknowledging that your choices will have repercussions will better prepare you to handle those repercussions if and when they occur.

Lesson #2 - Consider what drives you, not what you desire

Every decision you make is really a process of weighing up your values.

If you value your health, you’ll be more likely to decide to run a marathon. If you value time with family, you’ll be more likely to pass on that marathon and spend time with your partner.

That’s a simplification, but you get the idea.

When you’ve got a choice to make, assess whether your options align with your long-term values or are driven by short-term desire.

Here’s an example. I love sweets. I want to eat all the sweets. I want to be cradled gently by a Marshmallow Man (like the one from Ghostbusters) in everlasting sweetness.

But I also want to work on my health and fitness. I’ve had a brush with cancer. That was chaotic randomness rather than genetics (thanks a LOT universe). But it made me want to prioritise my health and minimise the risk of future problems.

I desire that sweet, sweet sugar. I’m driven to improve my health. When you simplify your decision-making to that level, you’ll find it easier to make long-term positive choices more often than not.

Science, that glasses-wearing temptress, reflects this battle between desire and drive. Studies by Jennifer Lerner, a Harvard professor of public policy and management, showed emotion was a major contributing factor to the decision-making process — and not always for the better.

The truth is, you’re not always in charge when making decisions. This is because you have an animal brain with a human cortex plunked on top. Your modern brain plans and schemes and thinks, but that dog brain (which sounds like an insult, but isn’t) loves to act on feelings.

It’s reason vs. emotion. And your emotion-driven animal brain means you can end up making choices under a fuzzy cognitive cloud.

When choosing a funeral song, I strayed too far from my values while my vision was obscured by a metaphorical emotional sombrero.

I picked a song that summed up how I felt in that moment of despair and reflection — but it had nothing to do with who I was (and am).

The next time you’re faced with a decision, take a moment to assess whether your choice is driven by drive or desire.

These moments of internal reflection can be the difference between choices that align with who you are and choices that make you go, “WHAT THE F*CK WAS I THINKING”.

Knowing how to make good decisions is a skill

Your “gut feeling” is as real as my credit card debt (and that’s super real). But it’s not infallible.

It will take you time to learn how to make informed decisions that

a). Sculpt the life you want

b). Leave you feeling content no matter the outcome

It's not easy to achieve these holy grail outcomes but try making a conscious effort to apply these two strategies.

At best, you’ll become a better, more capable and more decisive decision-maker. At worst, you’ll choose a damn good song for your funeral.

Oh, and if you were wondering, the song I picked was “Light On” by American Idol Season 7 winner David Cook.

Honestly, if that song had played at my funeral, I would have come back to life just to die of embarrassment.

With love,

New World Porter

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