So first, belated happy birthday. And second, I shared my birthday with my mom so after she died my birthday super sucked. It’s taken more than 10 years to quasi enjoy the day again. Regardless, it’s just another day and I’m happy to be alive and I’m happy you’re alive too. ✌🏻
Writing birthday messages from imaginary people in the office card is a genius move and made me laugh out loud, which is the first audible sound that's come out of my mouth today (living alone and it being only 7.05am in the UK). Thank you for making me make my first noise of Tuesday. And Happy Birthday. Aging is a privilege even if you think that's a wank thing to say.
LORDTY.... That first quote... I was laughing SO HARD under my breath (at work) I was crying and could barely read the rest of your post. For, like, 5 minutes. Every time I tried to read, I couldn't past that first part. Never silently laughed so hard at my job in my entire work history. And that side trip to your sextortion post was... WOW.
Also, this: "When it came to my desk, I’d add three or four birthday messages from people who did not exist." - Utter genius. Wish I'd done it at my previous job.
Are you planning on writing a memoir at some point? Seems like you would have a lot of material to work with.
Awww. That's kind of you to say. And thanks for subscribing to my blog! I'll be back in some form of capacity next year (still pondering the frequency though) I really do enjoy your shit, though, Alex. Can I call you Alex? Or do you prefer Alexander? I would carry on the legacy, but we don't do large cards--or any cards, really--here.
"Focusing in class is difficult when you’re harder than a math quiz" HAHAHAH dead 😂 Happiest of (fashionably late <- cooler that way) Birthdays to you!!! 🥳
Happy Birthday! When I turned 36 it was five years since my court-house-wife left me and I had four more years of celibacy to endure before I would meet my real wife. Even today, I prefer to look ahead rather than back. Your story about the three-year-old Rubik’s cube solver reinforces the reasons why I will continue to do so.
Live life to the fullest in your 37th year. Keep adding to your life experiences and make every three year old jealous!
Cheers mate! Yes they turned around for me and they keep on turning. Life is meant to be lived. Thanks for your continuous contributions to brightening things up! Love your stories.
Happy birthday to a walking miracle. Oh, that’s right, we all are, but this is about you. Have a wonderful day and watch out for those trick candles - the ones that keep relighting after you blow them out. (Talk about prolonging the awkward moment!)
I have this barrister prosecutor pal. We play this game where he must include certain words or phrases into his arguments. Let’s say: chicken wings, lifeboat, Parthenon, gusset. Inclusion mustn’t draw attention to the words but seamlessly sit within his words in court. We started this habit to alleviate the hell of some of the cases he encountered. He is thinner skinned than his Rottweiler reputation.
The way you lace ‘birthday punches’ and >erections> through this piece reminded me of this friend. 🙌🏻
So first, belated happy birthday. And second, I shared my birthday with my mom so after she died my birthday super sucked. It’s taken more than 10 years to quasi enjoy the day again. Regardless, it’s just another day and I’m happy to be alive and I’m happy you’re alive too. ✌🏻
I'm sorry to hear that, Amy! But glad to hear you've found light peeking through those clouds all these years later. Here's to your Mum and to you.
My deceased daughter and I have birthdays back to back (25,26) and it's taken some time for me to finally stop pretending my birthday didn't exsist.
I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine how hard that must be. 💙
Writing birthday messages from imaginary people in the office card is a genius move and made me laugh out loud, which is the first audible sound that's come out of my mouth today (living alone and it being only 7.05am in the UK). Thank you for making me make my first noise of Tuesday. And Happy Birthday. Aging is a privilege even if you think that's a wank thing to say.
It's not wank coming from you - so thank you!!! And please carry on the tradition of fake messages, I have passed the torch to you now.
LORDTY.... That first quote... I was laughing SO HARD under my breath (at work) I was crying and could barely read the rest of your post. For, like, 5 minutes. Every time I tried to read, I couldn't past that first part. Never silently laughed so hard at my job in my entire work history. And that side trip to your sextortion post was... WOW.
Also, this: "When it came to my desk, I’d add three or four birthday messages from people who did not exist." - Utter genius. Wish I'd done it at my previous job.
Are you planning on writing a memoir at some point? Seems like you would have a lot of material to work with.
Haha, I apologise to your work environment... actually, no I don't - I'm so glad you enjoyed it!!!
Please, add fake birthday messages to large cards with my blessings, you must carry on the legacy of this silly ritual :)
Your comments always make my day, you're an absolute beam of sunshine.
Awww. That's kind of you to say. And thanks for subscribing to my blog! I'll be back in some form of capacity next year (still pondering the frequency though) I really do enjoy your shit, though, Alex. Can I call you Alex? Or do you prefer Alexander? I would carry on the legacy, but we don't do large cards--or any cards, really--here.
Alex is fine :D
Happy 36! It’s a good year, I vaguely remember…haha!
Haha, thank you! 🤣😊
Happy late birthday! It's absolute joy to know you!
"Focusing in class is difficult when you’re harder than a math quiz" HAHAHAH dead 😂 Happiest of (fashionably late <- cooler that way) Birthdays to you!!! 🥳
I stand by that statement, haha.
Thanks, Megan - you rule 🤘
Very smart post. A lot of wisdom, levity and life included here. Thanks for sharing and HBD!
I've got that 36-year-old wisdom... finally! And thank you!
Oh my god HAPPY BIRTHDAY Scorpio child!!
I should have known!!
Was your bday 11/4?!
My son turned 4 yesterday.
Even though his birthday is not my birthday (but in a sense it kind of is…) I resonate with you message deeply!
I was in my feels and ALONE there with my baby turning 4.
Wishing you the happiest spin around the sun. 🌞
THANK YOU!!!
It was the 7th, which is *technically* after I sent this, but I figure people might read it throughout the week, haha.
And happy birthday to your son!!!
Happy Birthday! When I turned 36 it was five years since my court-house-wife left me and I had four more years of celibacy to endure before I would meet my real wife. Even today, I prefer to look ahead rather than back. Your story about the three-year-old Rubik’s cube solver reinforces the reasons why I will continue to do so.
Live life to the fullest in your 37th year. Keep adding to your life experiences and make every three year old jealous!
Cheers mate! Yes they turned around for me and they keep on turning. Life is meant to be lived. Thanks for your continuous contributions to brightening things up! Love your stories.
Thank you, brother!
Good things come to those who wait (and to good people).
Glad to hear everything turned around for you my man :)
When you get to the other side of 40 I can promise you'll be lucky to have a 4-minute erection. Happy birthday young grasshopper.
I gotta enjoy it while I can!
Happy birthday to a walking miracle. Oh, that’s right, we all are, but this is about you. Have a wonderful day and watch out for those trick candles - the ones that keep relighting after you blow them out. (Talk about prolonging the awkward moment!)
Haha, yes - this must be about me and ME ALONE. But thank you :) :) :)
Happy Birthday! Another great piece 🎁🎂
I appreciate that and you!
Happy happy birthday, Porter! 🎈🎈:)))
Gr8 pic with the candles x
Thanks superstar x
Just to prove I don’t really care, but I do want your feed to be full - Happy 16th Birthday!
Haha, thank you Viv. You're a treasure.
Happy Birthday, Mr. Porter!
Thank you so much, Denise!
I have this barrister prosecutor pal. We play this game where he must include certain words or phrases into his arguments. Let’s say: chicken wings, lifeboat, Parthenon, gusset. Inclusion mustn’t draw attention to the words but seamlessly sit within his words in court. We started this habit to alleviate the hell of some of the cases he encountered. He is thinner skinned than his Rottweiler reputation.
The way you lace ‘birthday punches’ and >erections> through this piece reminded me of this friend. 🙌🏻
Happy Birthday gorgeous
Haha, I'd like to play that game - maybe someday I will! This time, the erections were organic (if you know what I'm trying to say, haha).